shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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