good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
