At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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