i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
