the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
