I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
