I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
