would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
