Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
