Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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