Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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