you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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