Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do vagina's smell?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
