What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
