life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
