i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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