that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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