I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
