The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
