you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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