You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
