Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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