I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
