Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
