A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
