why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
