hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
