When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
