So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
