So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
my liver is dry heaving
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
