I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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