$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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