Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
