Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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