he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
