Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
