I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
