why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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