VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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