Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
