By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
