I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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