So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
