bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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