It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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