New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
