drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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