Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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