your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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