oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
