remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
